Recommended Reading

Below are some books and websites that may be helpful. (I hope to update this list as time permits!)  I have a reason for recommending each of the books, though I have not read each myself.  Most if not all are consistent with my approach to psychotherapy and marital therapy, though I may not agree with everything in any particular book.  Also, most of the authors have written other related books; if you google the books and/or authors, you may opt for other books by the same authors.  Finally, of course there are many other great books (and websites) on self-help, psychotherapy, and emotional wellbeing: for example, see the National Register's list of top self-help books by clicking this link: National Register Top Self-Help Books. (Several of the books below are on this list.)

Also, I don’t recommend any of these books in place of psychotherapy, though they may help people with or without therapy.  If you are considering getting help in the Madison WI area and opt to come see me for therapy, we can discuss the possible benefits of reading one or more of these books.

The categories below are somewhat overlapping.  Books within a category are listed alphabetically by title (“the” doesn’t count).  Happy, helpful reading! 

Relationships:

An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us , Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald 

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (20 th Anniversary Edition) , Harville Hendrix

Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships , David Schnarch
(addresses sexual as well as emotional intimacy, and includes sexually explicit material)

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

Mindfulness:

Full Catastrophe Living, Jon Kabat-Zinn

How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind, Pema Chödrön

Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach

Search Inside Yourself, Chade-Meng Tan (Combines mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence)

Cognitive-Behavioral Help for Anxiety and Depression:

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, Edmund J. Bourne

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, David D. Burns

Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, John Forsyth and Georg Eifert
("Acceptance and Commitment Therapy", or ACT, is an interesting and helpful combination of "Cognitive - Behavioral" and "Mindfulness" approaches.) 

Some Websites for Anxiety: (These websites were operational as of May 14, 2020.  When you click the links below, they will open in a new window.)

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/
(A series of articles about anxiety, one of which I recommend specifically below.) 

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/200907/having-new-relationship-your-obsessions-welcome-the-guest-house
(A mindfulness-based approach to intrusive thoughts: specifically compulsive thoughts, but also useful for addictive urges and other unpleasant thoughts.) 

www.vancouveranxiety.com/coping-with-anxiety/
(Christine Korol, a Canadian Ph.D., offers lots of useful information, including links here to free, engaging, easy-to-watch videos.  I recommend them!) 

www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/anxiety-attacks-and-anxiety-disorders.htm
(Non-profit with great information; see also links at bottom of page to "Therapy for Anxiety Disorders" and "How to Stop Worrying") 

For Longstanding Problems with Emotions, Behavior, and Relationships:

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotional Regulation & Distress Tolerance, by Matthew McKay and Jeffrey C. Wood

Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families, Charles L. Whitfield M.D.

Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and FeelGreat Again, Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko

Seeking Safety: A Treatment Manual for PTSD and Substance Abuse, Lisa M. Najavits
(especially for help with self-soothing)

Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder, Marsha M. Linehan
(intended for therapists, but has useful chapters on emotional regulation and self-soothing)

Relaxation and Stress Management:

Conscious Breathing: Breathwork for Health, Stress Release, and Personal Mastery, Gay Hendricks

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, Martha Davis, Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, and Matthew McKay 

Miscellaneous:

Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, Geneen Roth

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, Harriet Lerner

Don't Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions, Pema Chodron

Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Dr. Karyl McBride

Also: 

Here is a list of popular internet mental health resources from Therapysites, who produces this website: Links and Resources